When China rises, the world will tremble

Today I was a lucky girl. I got to talk to not one, but two grandpas. One was better than the other. Both shared the same Napoleon quote: "When China rises, the world will tremble." Skipping a workout and ending up with the most expensive coffee. A bar filled with a permanent collection of paintings from Picasso to Miró. From the detailed lamps to the beautiful wooden ceiling. As if we were in a sitting boat. A true gem.
Michael, from London, is a man who loves women. He had come for dinner on his own, because he is not a good cook. His wife was away for a few days. But he said, she is not cooking so much because of the bloody computer. (Pardon, my French) He had a tuna sandwich, some eggs, water and a beer.
He spoke about how he talked with Yves Saint Laurent and his partner Pierre Bergé, who used to come here twice a year. Who remembers from his trip to Toronto the squirrels and the Four Seasons. Who thinks that guys these days suck at keeping their beards well groomed. Who showed us a photo of him in his late 30s, with brown hair. Who says there is no such thing as black hair, because when you look under a microscope it is always dark brown, not black. He told us he would summarize his life story in 5 minutes.
He spoke about how the owner of the restaurant had passed away, but the people who work there are so lovely. He has been coming here for years. He has lived in Zurich for over 30, maybe 40 years. He was married before but his wife ended up being with a man 25 years older. He died, then she died. He also remarried. He has traveled a lot. He also lived through the miniskirt decade. I think he liked that decade.
I ended up with shaky hands and needing something to eat. I had the greasiest pizza and ended up feeling sick and walking halfway home. The End.

Short shorts

Afternoon, four Harley Davidsons with Santa Clauses driving, an angel and a box of toys. And an old man this morning in a t-shirt and what appears to be really short shorts or underwear walking around. November.

Recycling

I went to take the recycling out and some man was walking two donkeys over a bridge.

When I have five metres of free space around and some lady decides to blow her nose as loudly as possible and stand beside me. Why are you here??

Chicken

Man on the bus who brought a bag of chicken from Hooters and the whole bus stank. But can I have some tho?

Man with bagpipes walking down the train aisle.

Out of my way, I'm Beyonce.

Zurich Tram, 2015

I don't usually push people out my way. But there are days when I have had enough of people with no manners. I am on way to class and the tram pulls up. I see people coming off and some lady standing right by the door just blocking people. Lady, take one step back and let people through. If you are having a bad day, so be it, but you can cha cha your way to the back. After seeing people pushing around to get out and pushing around her to get in. I come in. Yes, watch out because today is a day on no patience. The guy in front of me squeezes himself around her. I say entschuldigung, and don't you dare pretend you cannot hear me. Nothing? Ok no problem. Let me push my way through with my huge back pack while the tram does a turn and you unbalance yourself from my side push. Fumbling, feet tied. No more entschuldigung for you. I forgot that I am not Beyonce and I cannot really do these sorts of things... I am sorry, but get it together!

Pretzel Mission

Cheap grocery store, 2015

At some cheap grocery store I go in, I end up scanning all the rows and walking to the snack corner. Obviously. I cannot seem to find the pretzels I want. A guy passes by to go to the cash and then turns around and starts talking to me in German. I reply back I don't understand (and in my head thinking.. I need to obviously concentrate on these pretzels, stop distracting me). So he switches to English and holds out a bottle of red wine. And asks me, "Uh do you know if this is red wine?" I stare at him because I figure he is not serious.. until I realize he maybe is. I say yes.. even the little picture of purple grapes on the label show you it is red wine. "Ok, thanks" and I think  he is about to leave, but of course this cannot be the end of the story.

"I have never seen you around here."

"Around the grocery store? Sometimes I come to buy food. When I am hungry."

"Yeah, are you new?"

"Not really." Still concentrating on pretzels, friend. Go away.

"Cool, are you a student?"

"No, I work..." Go away.

"Ok, did you come here by yourself?"

"No, my husband came here first and I came after. I brought my two kids _____ and _____ with me. They are in kindergarten."

"Ok."

"Ok.."

"BYYYEEEE" Pretzels found.

Line up. He comes after and is behind me, but then lets another guy go in front of him.

All I wanted was pretzels. Leave me alone.

I need a sandwich, and now.

November 2015

Heading back home after work. I see a car parked in front on the sidewalk in front of me. It is dark, the lights inside his car are on. I assume perhaps he is waiting for someone to come out of the apartment, someone to pick up. Or he is checking his phone. Or checking for directions. As I pass by quickly, all I see is him opening a package of cheese slices. Sometimes, you need to swerve to the side of the road to just eat some cheese or make a sandwich. No big deal.

Advent wreaths and Broken Laundry Machines

Zurich, 2014

It has been some time..

Our laundry machine is broken. So we have to go downstairs to the dark basement in our apartment. This story sounds great already doesn't it? I put my laundry in earlier and came back after an hour to pick it up. It is around 21:30. You think everyone is back in their apartments cozy and watching a show before heading to sleep. But no. I bring the silly Advent wreath down with me to put away in our cellar. I had been meaning to for days and had just left it by the door. Expecting it to roll down the stairs and lock itself. So I prance on down to the dark stairs. And hear someone walking downstairs in the dark. No fear M, you walk in the woods in the dark on your own all the time. You got this. At the same time I bet some plastic wreath pine needles have fallen off from my grasp.

So there is some man, bald prancing around and talking to me in Swiss German. Until I tell him I can only speak English. Ok, so he is M, and he has his music studio in the very back of the basement. Ok everything is better now. So he asks if I am doing laundry. Yes, and putting away this wreath. Our conversation is clearly going so smoothly, best Wednesday night ever. Then we talk about guitars and drums. And he says I can see the studio if I want. I say, no I need to put this wreath away and don't want to bother. And he answers, no, he is just practicing on his own. So I decide to take my Advent wreath with me and see the room. Because I have passed it so many times and never got to see it. Brilliant M.

So I walk in and he suddenly sits down at the piano and starts to sing into his microphone and play piano. Ok. Ok this is cool. I just thought I was supposed to see inside. But here we go. A solo concert. Don't forget I am still holding this stupid wreath with me standing in the middle of the room. He finishes that and then brings out his green guitar and starts playing and lets not forget singing George Michael's "Faith". I don't know if he is singing in a certain style or if he just doesn't know the words. But it was good, I'll give him that. There was an electric guitar, but we aren't quite there yet at our friendship level.

So in the end I was sitting on the couch. All I came down for was my laundry and to put this wreath away. I said "good job, that was nice". After some other important talk about washing machines he gave me 7 or so flyers for the 3 bulletin boards I have at work. I walked away and opened the first cellar door. Forgot the other key for our cellar. Threw the wreath by the door, took my laundry and resumed my journey back to my apartment 3 floors up.

Thank goodness I decided to wear pants at least, I thought I could run down really fast and back up without bumping into anyone which I usually do.

In conclusion, this is why I try not to leave my house.. or my apartment too much. Good night.

Zurich, Switzerland
July 2014

Never in the city on a Saturday but today was an exception. As I was walking by one group I noticed the majority were standing under a shop roof cover, away from the hot sun. Some dared to go out of the shade and grab a shot of the Grossmunster. Quickly scurrying back into the shadows when their task was completed.

As I come closer I hear the group leader trying to explain the church. I realize its all in Polish. Suddenly a group of ladies in stress and fans waving away furiously stop the tour leader in the middle of his lovely history:

"But why is it so hot? What is the temparture?!"

...35..the tour guide explains and continues on.

Leave it to a bunch of 50 year old ladies to just completely forget where they are and just start complaining about things and not listening to anything. ;)

Zurich, Switzerland
July 2014

The following day after incident one I decide to do the simple task of traveling from work back home. A simple task, where nothing is supposed to happen. Point A to Point B, 20 minutes done. No. Never done.

I am a minute away from home walking along the street and I see these two men walking with this rat on a leash. It wasn't actually a rat, but a dog. But from far away you don't no these things.

So they pass and one turns around and starts to speak in this language I do not know. This got me thinking while I stared that it is about time I start learning. So we switch to English and he starts to say that the dog..rat..whatever it was needs a mom. That I should be its mom.

- No thanks, I don't really fancy dogs.

- Oh no, no he is a good dog and needs to be taken care of!

- No, I don't like children either. No dogs, no children.

- Where are you from?

- Canada.

- Ah! Mais souffle de bonhomme de neige..other French things..

- No I am from the English speaking part.

- Aha! Ok well I am from North Africa and speak Arabic!

- And my dog, he speaks Spanish.

So at this point the dog is barking like crazy.

- He is saying no no no in Spanish! He does not want his mom to leave.

- I am not his mom.

- Ok well this was a nice..conversation we had.

- Yes, it was lovely. Thanks. Bye.

- Bye.

Zurich, Switzerland
July 2014

Coming to Switzerland I felt as if my blog would deteriorate. It felt as if no one talks to anyone. But I was wrong. This month has led to some interesting conversations. And it feels as if it is only the beginning.

On a Sunday I was waiting at the tram stop reading my book. For some reason this is a bad thing to do, listen to music or read a book because it seems to be more of an invitation for others to talk to you? Why. I have headphones in for a reason. A. Music is nice. B. I don't want to hear anyone else crying or screaming into their phone at 8 AM.

So a very lovely, drunk man comes to close to comfort speaking in Swiss German, until he naturally switches to English when we realize this communication is just not going to work. Its 11 AM, remember this as well. A Sunday. So he starts talking literature. How there is this one Swiss author to check out and a Mexican one.

He gets on the same tram, and says only one stop. But he is so into talking about the Latin American culture and scientology that he misses his stop. The whole time he is swaying back and forth in the tram. Drinking + tram = chaos.

He decides to get off at the next stop and so we continue this journey. He is very happy we talked books and we shake hands. He says he won't follow me he just has to go pee over there.

Zurich, Switzerland
2013

Around the tram station, I look out my window and see two men in Robin Hood costumes. Shoes, hat, tights and all. Green and brown. That same week or month, driving back when I stop for some pedestrians crossing. It doesn't click until after they have fully walked across, that these two guys are in robes, in the middle of winter, with some rain boots on.

Zurich, Switzerland
May 2013

Driving from the dry cleaners I believe, I look over to my right some guy is standing and waiting for the bus. He has a red clown nose, no big deal.

Zurich, Switzerland
May 2013

Got on the train, this is probably the time I rushed to catch the train and did not finish painting my nails. So I did them at the train station, outside, in the dark. There was one lamp post. When I got on the train I could not believe what I saw. Let's just say, Miriam never do this again. This is the second time I have painted my nails and it looks like a baby did them.

I sat down and across from me there was a couple. They were not making out, they were not reciting poetry to each other. The girl was combing her boyfriends' hair. He had such long, luscious blonde hair. You know those Romance books old ladies read? The cover always has some overly buff guy and he has long hair and is standing on some sort of cliff or boat and it is blowing and slightly wavy. Yes, that hair.

At first I thought it was kind of weird, but they were cute in a way as well, and he got very shiny hair because of her help.

Rome, Italy
June 2013

A good Samaritan. As I mentioned before, getting around the city was pretty simple for the most part, however things always come up, and sometimes you need a direction or help.

I got to one station and I placed my ticket in but it would not come out. I could not cross to the other side, and would have to buy another day ticket. Some lady noticed and called one of the Metro security over to help me. He tried but nothing happened and let me come to the other side. But I told him it was a day pass not a 100 minute ticket.

So then 2 people standing by saw, and passed over their ticket to try to push it through. Did not work, the other one took out a heavy duty xacto knife, because we all walk around with those in our bags, and it did the trick! They missed their first train unfortunatly, but were very, very kind people. Kind people still exist.

Rome to Zurich
June 2013

Taking the plane back home, was a bit tired from the day and just wanted to finish my book and relax on the short flight home. A man sat beside me but left a space in between and in that seat put his bags. Or man purse.

But at take-off he moved to the middle seat. And doesn't matter if you're reading a book, listening to music, picking your nose, people will still talk to you. So he begins by saying if I am from Switzerland and if I liked Rome.

Then on and on about his life, how he has been in Zurich for 3 years, how he likes it better. How old am I? Why am I not married? Why do I want to not live in Canada...

My book has like 3 pages left, come on!

And the best question for last, this is where the conversation stopped.

Do you like disco?

What??

Do you like to go to disco?

No.

Headphones in, Sean Paul till landing.

Rome
June 2013

I had just left the place I was staying at and headed for the Metro to go into the city/new place. I get there and see there gates are closed? Strange, head to the next one and realize the LED sign saying Strike! On just the line I need!

But no worries, bus is along the route. Luckily I realize I am on the right side of the road/direction. I get to the stop and ask a man about how to get to the city. He speaks on Italian so somehow we manage to understand each other. I really don't know how this always happens. I have learned a lot this year through hand signals and basic words...surprising how long these conversations can go.

So, when he tried to explain as much as he could he asked the other lady who was waiting at the stop if she spoke English. She said she spoke Spanish too, I told her the one Spanish line I know (ok there are more..) but this didn't help.

More people arrive, some don't bother to wait, one girl takes a taxi others just start walking towards the city.

So we waited..and waited..more people came..a lady..a lady with a baby..a guy talking on his phone nas trying to hitchhike after waiting..3 buses passed with deposito! I was ready to just grab a taxi. After waiting over an hour and 15-30 minutes a bus came! We all sighed with relief, I was ready to say Mamma Mia right here..and guess what. It is packed! Like a can of sardines!

But no way the lady and the man from the start we try to get close to the door. Then the man grabs me and the lady and people from behind start to push us in. But we are on the edge of the bus, the doors cannot close. There is a man telling the people in the back to move back more. We made it! The poor lady with her baby/carriage did not or the others.

I have not stood this close to people in public since 2002 after World Youth Day in Toronto. It was hot,  you could not even fall over because there was just no room to fall over and I had my bag. The people that were at the stop waiting for us we collected along the way! They had walked so far from the stop! There was also the smallest, cute lady ever.

There was also some ladies that began to fight with each other, one slapped the other one over the head. I just kept laughing because I had no idea what was going on, everyone was just yelling and talking. There was a lady who kept banging on the glass to come in and even the bus driver yelled back at her, there was just no room! There was an old man who started to talk to me. The man from the bus stop and I looked at each other, he knew I knew no Italian. But I kept replying, si, si back to this old man. After he realized I could not speak.

In the end I made it to the city. Ran off that bus and onto another bus, a bit packed but not as crazy. Did not pay for any bus fares and made it to my appointment, sweating like crazy in a leather jacket.

Rome
June 2013

I was meeting someone at the train station after a morning of Flea market browsing. However, we had planned to meet at one station, it was a train station though. But we said Metro. I did not have a phone with me and somehow before leaving I knew this was not a good plan. So basically we were both going from one station to the other looking for each other. And the pay phones in Italy do not seem to work for me at all. I tried them like 10 times..

So I began asking some people for help, maybe I had mistaken where to meet? I asked some ladies sitting on a bench. Only Italian, but turns out they spoke some Eastern European language and so I spoke Polish and they tried to explain the train vs. metro. Then pointed the direction to the metro I had been at, but I understood it as something else. So then a man who was listening said he'd take me over there and show me. I found that a lot actually, people were very welcoming and took time to help, no matter then language barrier. I found a good group of people. Most people are in such a rush but they take their time and try to help in anyway. Thanks Italy.

Anyways, this was a mistake to go with this man, basically he took my hand and dragged me like a doll or puppy to the Metro kissing my hand. I forgot to wash my hands after that. And we walked by the gypsies selling things, and the clothing stalls and made it. It felt like the longest walk ever. But I told him this was not what I was looking for and said thanks, ciao.

Then asked another pair sitting on a bench but we couldn't understand each other when another man came and brought me back to where I started. I asked him if he knew how to use the phone, but then offered his phone! But my friend did not pick up. After I left him and went upstairs to the main entrance and said thank you very much for all his help. After I saw those two ladies again and they hoped everything was going to turn out fine. And then the man came back! Don't worry not the hand holding one. The other one with the phone, saying he got a call back. And then it all worked out after that. 30 minutes..actually 45 minutes later. ;)